I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
