think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
