So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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