goodnight i made you a song goodbye
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
