i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize