what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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