she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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