I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I pour the whiskey from now on
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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