She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
