i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
