I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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