I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
