So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
