so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
