also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
