My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize