ya dads aren't the best wingmen
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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