She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
