I wish I could punch you in the face.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
