Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
