awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
