Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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