forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
