Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Randomize
