If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i think i just lost a toe
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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