so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
