i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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