Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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