just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
