i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
