no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just pee around me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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