I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
