wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
