Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
