If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
