I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
