I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
