Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
