so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
