Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
