I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
