He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
