Betty ford says i'm here all night
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
