I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
