I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
