Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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