Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
