can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
