i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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