I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
