your room smells of hookers.
And success
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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