We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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