k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
