I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The air was thick with penises
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
