i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
