this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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