come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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