I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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