he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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