I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My liver just broke up with me...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
