they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize