so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
