i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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