positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
