god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
