I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize