You're my little dorito
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
