I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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