nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
