shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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