Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize