I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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