I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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