I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
