I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
