The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
